A Kandid Little Korner

I thought I was ready for it but I was not. This, I realized when he gave his judgment about the data that was laid out in front of him. I’ve been googling it for the past few days before I once again visited him and had my suspicion what the final verdict would be. But instead, my body shook and gave in to the tears that I was holding back. It’s different when you’ve been reading it and when somebody tells you right up front.


Yes, our dearest Mama is positive of Liver Cancer. He explained in his own medical terms which I can’t grasp anymore and scribbled some statistics which I really don’t care about. The word “positive” was all that’s been echoing in my ear.

As I went out from his office with the prescription in hand, I was still crying and oblivious to the people around me. I did not go home right away instead I rode in the taxi and went on circles just to give time to stabilize my emotion. I’m glad the driver is not nosy enough to ask me why I am crying.

We have come to a decision to tell Mama about her diagnosis. It's her right to know about it. Before doing it, I drilled my head to close my tear duct. Still, I am not that confident if I could carry on with the task without crying. For the sake of mama, I did not cry which is weird since I am the most emotional person alive. Mama did not cry, too. Not a single tear. She said she know that her illness is very serious because she can feel it in her bones now. She feels her body weakens each day. I accept it, she said. That night, I heard her crying softly.

All of us are hurting because of this, especially our 74-year old Papa. This is the biggest pain we’ve ever had. I know this can happen to anyone in this world but I never imagined it happening to us. Mama is young and deserves to live a great life ahead of her. We have so much plans for her, for us. It’s like our lives crumbled the day we knew about it. It’s like living each day in loneliness and agony. The laughter and happiness that used to fill this house is nowhere. This family will never be the same again.

We have come to accept this, we don’t have a choice. We’ll do this slowly but surely. One day at a time. We draw strength from each other so there’s no room for frailty at this point of our lives. Hand in hand, we will struggle our way out of this.

Thank You for those who prayed and continue to pray for Mama. Words are not enough to tell you how much it means to us. Mama is courageously fighting Cancer with her strong Faith in God. She’s a fighter all her life and emerged as a victor in all her battles. As long as I see her this way, who am I to get weak and surrender?

P.S. For the sake of my family, I decided it's best not to disclose on what stage the cancer is. Thanks for understanding.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAPA!

i should be changing this not-so-suitable-template-anymore. i am not going to be "happy blogging" on the weeks, maybe months to come.

guys, i know u are worrying about me. thanks. but i have decided to be "incommunicado" to you. I am sorry but nothing my friends say or do will ease up what I feel now.

I am hurting and my life will never ever be the same. Let this be my moment. I'll be private for my reasons for now but I will share it someday soon.

I cherish you all.